Trippy vs. The Authorities

Other than having a laptop and an ax to grind, I decided to start a blog in hopes it would encourage me to write more. Over the last couple years, I've been writing short stories for a book (many of which I’m sure will find their way here) that I hope to someday publish. I thought that this forum – this blog – might compel me to keep generating new material and write down my ideas before they dissipate into a cloud of bong smoke.

Recently, I had an epiphany about my professional life. Making it as a writer is no longer optional for me; I really have no other choice. It’s become abundantly clear that I cannot function in the mainstream workplace. This is not an exaggeration; you need only look at my work history to see that I don’t do well with authority figures or rules. Below I’ve summarized some key events from my professional life that reflect a definitive pattern or rebellion. Each really deserves an entry of its own, but I for now I will just give you the highlights.

1)     High School Teacher (Connecticut) 2006-2009

    

 Refused to bow to administrative pressure to lower standards and was non-renewed aka fired. Fought the gym teacher-turned-principal’s verdict and threatened to expose his whole corrupt kingdom. He is forced to rescind his decision in front of four witnesses. At the end of the year, I tender my resignation and move to Florida. 

2)    High School/Middle School Teacher (Florida) 2009-2010

 Left on my own accord, but almost went down when I was tapped for a random drug screening after a drug-fueled four-day birthday extravaganza. I tender my resignation three months later and decide to leave teaching altogether.

3)    Waitress/”Door Girl” at Strip Club (Florida) 2010-2011 

 

      Fired for reading/doing work. On a slow night, my manager sees me doing some kind of editing/writing work while I’m at the door. The GM comes by and  tells me that he’d “prefer” I not do that work at the door. I take “prefer” to mean optional, so I obligingly put my papers away until he leaves. After leaving the club, he reviewed the security footage and decided that my commitment to professional development was a far more egregious offense than the  rampant drug dealing and prostitution. He returns a few hours later and fires me on the spot for not “respecting his authority.”

4)    Remote Copywriter 2011 – Present

     Despite the fact that this is a telecommuting position and the company is located in California, I manage to get into trouble when a new management team takes over. My supervisor does not appreciate my questions about the policy changes and   subsequently bans me from posting on our virtual forum, claiming that my contributions “incite a crowd” and “lower morale.”

How does one get into trouble at a virtual job? Who gets fired from a strip club for reading? These are all logical questions that I wish I had the answers to. I’m an extremely diligent worker who goes above and beyond. I take my job, whatever it is, seriously and do my best. My shit is always tight; the quality of my work has never been the issue. I just have a teensy problem following rules sometimes, particularly if I don’t agree with them or don’t see any value or purpose in them. I have a tendency to ask why a lot, which can rub some people the wrong away, especially when they don’t have an answer or don’t want to give it.

I wish I could say that things are different now, but it’s only been two months and I’m already struggling to conform to the bullshit at my new job. I’ve never worked in an office, let alone a cubicle, so this is a most unpleasant change of pace. The beige walls, lack of sunlight, direct supervision, and terrible hours are already taking their toll. Unable to shake my work ethic, I do my best, but I find myself committing small acts of deviance. 

For example, last month I wanted to make my boyfriend a card, so I used my work computer to search for and print colored pictures.  We're not supposed to use our computers for anything that's not work-related, even during our lunch break. I can't even check my goddamn email, pay a few bills, nada. This policy really grinds my gears, so I promptly decided I would not abide by it. I didn't see the harm in perusing Google images during my lunch break and printing the pictures at the end of the day.  

Had the pictures consisted of sports team emblems or scenic landscapes, what I did wouldn't have been so bad. However, I did run a bit of a risk finding and printing the following images: 

And those are just a few of my favorites. 

I was able to avoid detection, but I figure my days in cubicle nation are numbered, so I need to get serious about publishing my writing. Since I have difficulty respecting anyone's authority, including local law enforcement, I need to be my own boss. Since I'm not exactly the domesticated type, I also need to make enough money so my man can quit his job and be a full-time househusband. 

It's 6:00, which means it's time to rejoin the rat race and head back to cubicle nation. Hopefully, my days there are numbered.